I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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