She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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