Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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