I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
