Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
