I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
