For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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