so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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