I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
