he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize