ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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