i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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