he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
