Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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