Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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