wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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