think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
