I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
