We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
