I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
