oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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