I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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