My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
