I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
