How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
We're too hungover to prance.
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