I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize