I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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