This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
