Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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