On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
