Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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