So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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