Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
