guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
