he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
