I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
there is puke in my bra ... again
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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