Got a toothbrush?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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