There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
