The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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