She said her name was "party"
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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