When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
