i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
