Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
