my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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