the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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