So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
