I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
