belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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