where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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