So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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