Are we in a gay sports bar?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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