There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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