Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize