you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
