She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
