Fine. I'll sleep in my office
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize