I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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