I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
