My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
