Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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