well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
