Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
