Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
