Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
