Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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