I could make wine with my vomit
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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